Squirrels

Yvonne and Flanders are colouring pictures with crayons in class. Missus orbits around. Rachel and Francine are sitting at a nearby table, also colouring.

YVONNE. I drew you a watercolour. I forgot it at home but I drew you one. It has lillies and lilacs and blue. I know you like blue. I like it too.

Beat.

Did you draw me anything?

FLANDERS. No.

YVONNE. That’s okay. Maybe we can draw something together.

FLANDERS. I don’t feel like it.

YVONNE. Watercolours are my favourite. Do you know a lot about flowers?

FLANDERS. I know poppies.

YVONNE. That’s a pretty flower. My mom loves tulips but I think they’re kind of ugly. Have you ever seen a squirrel eat a tulip? It sort of grabs the stick part, then it bends it down and then it eats up the whole flower part. I never knew squirrels had mouths that big but they really do eat the whole thing.

 FLANDERS. I hate squirrels.

YVONNE. Yeah, me too.

Beat.

I’ll bring you my watercolour tomorrow. Or maybe you can come over, my mom said that’s okay.

FLANDERS. I’ve got stuff to do.

YVONNE. Like what?

FLANDERS. Like I’ve got stuff to do. None of your beeswax.

YVONNE. You’re not being nice to me.

FLANDERS. Why do you always talk to me like I’m your friend, I’m not your friend.

YVONNE. I think you’re nice.

FLANDERS. I’m not nice.

MISSUS. Flanders, be nice.

FLANDERS. She’s bugging me.

MISSUS. Yvonne, please leave him alone. If he doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t bother him.

YVONNE. Yes, Missus.

A moment of silence. Everyone colours. Yvonne throws Flanders a guilt-trip glance but he ignores her. Rachel and Francine giggle, glancing over at the boy and girl.

RACHEL. (low) Yvonne and Flanders, sitting in a tree,

RACHEL and FRANCINE. K-I-S-S-I-N-G

FLANDERS. Shut up.

FRANCINE. Missus! Missus, Flanders said the s-word!

MISSUS. Flanders. What did I tell you about language? I want you to apologize to those girls right now.

Flanders looks up at Rachel and Francine, angry. He shakes his head.

FLANDERS. I don’t want to.

MISSUS. You have to apologize when you say mean things.

FLANDERS. They were saying mean things to me, they were making fun, that’s not fair!

MISSUS. What did they say to you?

Pause.

What did they say to you?

YVONNE. They said the k-word. They spelled it out but that still counts.

MISSUS. What’s the k-word?

YVONNE. I’m not supposed to say it.

Rachel and Francine giggle.

FLANDERS. Fine, I’ll just apologize.

He turns to Rachel and Francine. Mumbling,

Sorry.

He goes back to colouring. He colours in blue, pressing so hard the crayon breaks.

MISSUS. Thank you Flanders.

She looks at the giggling girls.

You two need to apologize also.

RACHEL and FRANCINE. (little angels, chiming) Sorry, Flanders.

Pause. Everyone returns to colouring.

YVONNE. Do you like me?

FLANDERS. You’re a girl.

YVONNE. I know, do you like me?

FLANDERS. Aren’t you on the other side? Are you a spy?

YVONNE. I’m on your side. And I’m not in the war anyway.

FLANDERS. Sure.

YVONNE. Sure what?

FLANDERS. I guess I like you.

YVONNE. Are you going to give me flowers?

FLANDERS. Why?

YVONNE. Because when a boy likes a girl he gives her flowers. That’s what my mom told me.

FLANDERS. My dad never gives my mom flowers.

YVONNE. That’s because they’re married. Once you’re married you don’t have to do that anymore.

FLANDERS. I don’t have any flowers.

YVONNE. You can draw them.

FLANDERS. Okay. What kind of flowers do you like?

YVONNE. Poppies.

FLANDERS. Okay but they’ll be blue.

YVONNE. I like blue.